yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
