I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
