Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
