You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
