There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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