just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
