guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
