I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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