I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
