too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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