It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
