we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
