took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
