I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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