11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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