Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
