I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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