You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
