so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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