Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
