bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
