i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
