When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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