Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
