you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
