dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
