I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
