She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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