she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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