Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
