walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
