the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
