Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
