I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
