How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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