You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ketchup is God's man juice
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
