Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
