my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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