it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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