We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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