I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
