so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
