I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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