She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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