If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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