i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
