Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
