i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
