And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
