great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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