So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
