hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
