I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
