I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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